The Power of Emotional Regulation: It’s Not About Being Calm—It’s About Being Clear
There was a time when I felt like my emotions called the shots—all the time.
It was like I had a whole crew of little emotional monsters running around in my head—each one a different color, a different mood, all competing for attention. Up one moment, down the next, sideways the minute something unexpected hit. I wasn’t moving through my emotions—I was being dragged by them.
The less grounded I felt, the more I found myself stuck in a loop of stress, overwhelm, and anxiety I couldn’t quite shake. If you’ve ever felt like your emotions were running the show while you were just trying to hold it together… I’ve been there.
And here’s what I’ve learned:
Emotional regulation isn’t about not feeling your emotions. It’s about not letting them control you.
As someone who’s naturally intuitive and empathetic, I’m pretty good at reading a room. I can often pick up on what people are carrying without them saying a word. But for a long time, I didn’t know how to protect my energy while holding space for others. I took on emotions and problems that didn’t belong to me because I didn’t want to seem like I didn't care. Taking on other people’s stuff literally made me sick.
So I had to learn that empathy doesn’t mean absorbing someone else’s experience—it means being present enough to say, “I see you,” without losing yourself in the process. That’s emotional regulation.
I also had to accept that most of the time, people’s reactions aren’t about me at all. When someone’s short, aggressive, or reactive, it’s often a reflection of what they are dealing with—stress, insecurity, overwhelm. You end up catching the fallout from emotions that were never really yours to hold. Or as someone I know called it: you become an emotional toilet.
But here’s where the real shift happened for me:
I stopped letting my thoughts run wild. I started asking: What if it does work out? What if the fear isn’t telling me the truth? What if I could expect the best, instead of bracing for the worst?
Because the truth is, our thoughts create our emotional reality. They lead to the feelings that fuel our actions. And if you’re thinking the same way, feeling the same way, and acting the same way, you’ll keep ending up in the same place. That’s not discipline. That’s emotional autopilot—also known as the definition of insanity.
Regulation isn’t suppression. It’s ownership.
And it’s more critical than ever.
According to the APA, nearly 75% of adults report being overwhelmed by stress in the past year.
Emotional exhaustion is now one of the top three reasons employees are disengaged at work (Gallup, 2023).
And research shows that emotionally regulated teams are more productive, creative, and resilient (Harvard Business Review, 2022).
Science-Backed Tools to Help You Regulate Your Emotions
If you’re ready to shift how you show up emotionally, here are three simple practices that can help:
- Label What You Feel (Affect Labeling):
Neuroscience shows that naming your emotion—literally saying, “I feel anxious” or “I feel frustrated”—can help regulate the nervous system. Naming brings you into the now and reduces overwhelm.
- Box Breathing (4-4-4-4):
Used by Navy SEALs and trauma therapists alike, box breathing slows your heart rate and calms the body. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat. You’d be surprised how the way you breathe impacts your health. Your nervous system will thank you.
- Cognitive Reframing:
This is about consciously shifting your interpretation of a situation. Instead of “This is going to fall apart,” try “This is a challenge, but I’ve gotten through worse.” Or even, “This might be tough, but I have what it takes to figure it out.” Over time, this rewires your brain’s default reactions.
The goal isn’t to become emotionless. It’s to become emotionally clear. So you can show up in your power—whether at work, in relationships, or in your own presence.
We need more spaces—especially in leadership and workplace culture—where emotional regulation is seen as a strength, not a soft skill. Because when we learn to regulate, we show up with clarity and compassion. And with the kind of energy that doesn’t just react—but transforms.
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Looking to bring this kind of emotional clarity and well-being into your workplace?At Soul Therapy Media, we create wellness experiences that build emotional resilience, reduce burnout, and help teams feel safe, supported, and inspired. If you're ready to move beyond surface-level wellness, let’s connect@soultherapymedia.com









